oooh peter.

yesterday, peter texted me to ask if i wanted to see a movie sunday night.
i said i could make time.
he knocked on my door around 650 and we jaywalked across the street to the theatre.
i was nervous because i did not know if he was considering this a date (although i dont know when a boy asks a girl to a movie ((alone)) and doesnt consider it a date?) and was going to pay for me.
i let him step towards the ticket booth first.  i heard him ask for two tickets.
i thought i was in the clear.
the ticket seller said "21.50" and he looked in his wallet.
and then looked back at me and said, "do you have a 10?'
luckily i had pulled out a ten from my secret stash just before leaving.
we went in and joked about our 3-d glasses.
all through the movie i couldnt help but wonder...should i have originally offered to pay?  i think i did the right thing by stepping back and if he didnt want to pay he shouldnt have asked for 2 tickets! how awkward!
the movie was great but i couldnt focus.
i decided i dont like dating.
the ambiguity.
the awkwardness.
the unspoken intentions.

we shared a hot chocolate after and talked about jail, stealing, parents, drugs, college, real life...etc.
i enjoyed the talk.
i always do.

we jaywalked back.
he hugged me.
and i struggled to get my key in the door.

i just want ease.
i dont want to have to try hard.
when its easy, ill know its real.

no longer will i play the field.
the field stinks,
both economically
and socially!
and i am giving it up!

<3